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What are attachment styles? There are four attachment styles, in which include secure attachment, anxious preoccupied attachment, dismissive avoidant attachment, and fearful avoidant attachment. An attachment pattern is formed during childhood and continues onto adulthood and functions as to how you form relationships. These attachment styles may change over time or stay the same, everyone has an attachment style. “Dr. Phillip Shaver and Dr. Cindy Hazan found that about 60 percent of people have a secure attachment, while 20 percent have an avoidant attachment, and 20 percent have an anxious attachment.”(Firestone, 2013)
In secure attachment adults tend to be more satisfied and happy in their relationships. They give support to their partner when needed and also ask for support themselves when they need help. A relationship with secure attachment tends to be honest and equal, and both partners are independent, yet loving towards each other. “Securely attached couples don’t tend to engage in what my father, psychologist Robert Firestone, describes as a “Fantasy Bond,” an illusion of connection that provides a false sense of safety.”(Firestone, 2013). In children with a secure attachment see their parents as secure and they can independently explore the world.
When an adult has an anxious attachment they are desperate to find someone to rescue or complete them. They often become clingy because they are looking for safety and security. Sometimes they start doing actions that start to drive their partner away, such as being insecure about their partner leaving them and they start being possessive. Instead of forming real love or trust they kind of just become obsessive, and form a fantasy relationship. Unlike anxious attachment adults, people with dismissive attachment tend to distance themselves from their partners and can easily turn their emotions off.
Adults with a fearful attachment style are afraid from being too close or too distant from others. Usually adults with this attachment are unstable with their emotions and find themselves in emotional storms. There moods can be easily change. This could cause a dramatic or rocky relationship and can even lead to an abusive relationship. They are afraid of being abandoned but are also afraid of getting to intimate.
As I mentioned before these attachment styles you gain them from your childhood, but they can be different or change as you grow older and start forming relationships with a partner. It is important to find what your attachment style is so you can form a good relationship and aim to have a secure attachment style. If you have one of the negative attachment styles, therapy is one option to help you change your attachment. Also finding a person who has a secure attachment style you can work on developing yourself in that relationship.
Firestone, Lisa. “How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship.” Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist. N.p., 30 July 2013. Web. 23 Apr. 2014. .